Things from the night before that make you want to die. You guys, I meant this to be a relatable list. Not all of this happened to me in one night.
  1. Drunk texting
    Of the "u up?" variety
  2. Drunk texting 2
    Of the texting random people and inviting them to a party variety
  3. Sleeping with someone you shouldn't sleep with
  4. Doing other stuff with someone you shouldn't do other stuff with
    Congratulations, you didn't have sex. But you're still a moron.
  5. Begging your best friend, a gay male, to make out with you
    And trying to pull it off as charming with "oh, you're right. We shouldn't. It will ruin our friendship"
  6. Leaving ridiculous angry voicemails
  7. Talking too much
    This is the real kicker, for me. Like no one wants to hear me speak THAT much.
  8. Spewing nonsense in general
    Example: telling someone you got into a college you didn't get into and explaining why it wasn't the right choice for you
  9. Further lies about what you do and who you are
    They always seem like truths in the moment. Example: "I write family dramas"
  10. Eating pizza
  11. Eating cake
  12. Eating whatever is around
  13. Uber bills
  14. Your chin in a photo
  15. Falling down
  16. Losing things
  17. Breaking stuff
  18. Ruining shoes
  19. Mad Men is ending
  20. Basically I'd just like to sit alone in a room, forever.