THINGS I COULD LIKELY EAT IN ONE SITTING

(I don't mean all of these together. I mean each number.) Does this list make me seem hot?
  1. 1.
    Two big bags of Cool Ranch Doritos
    I firmly believe that there are not as many servings per bag as they tell you.
  2. 2.
    One Carvel ice cream cake with my face pictured on it
    Never had this, but think I could do it.
  3. 3.
    The entire pick and choose container of sour gummy skulls from Sockerbit on 3rd street
  4. 4.
    5 mixed green salads from Quatorze bis on 79th and 2nd
    French bistro frequently visited on Sunday nights during my youth
  5. 5.
    2 Roast Chickens with frites from Quatorze
  6. 6.
    3 servings of Pasta Carbonara from Jones Hollywood
  7. 7.
    2 McDonald's hamburger happy meals
    I am not generally a fast food person, but I recently tasted a McDonald's chicken nugget and honestly they are horrifying and gross. I would take a Perdue dinosaur any day
  8. 8.
    A large container of tuna salad
  9. 9.
    My bed
  10. 10.
    2 containers of Sabra hummus
    Easily
  11. 11.
    6 Sandwiches of hard salami on baguette with butter
    Preferably from E.A.T. on 82 and Madison but homemade will do just fine
  12. 12.
    A roll of cookie dough, unbaked
  13. 13.
    A roll of cookie dough, baked
  14. 14.
    A roll of cookie dough, half-baked
  15. 15.
    A container of funfetti frosting
    If I do it quickly, probably 2
  16. 16.
    3 entree sized portions of grilled calamari
  17. 17.
    4 steamed artichokes with yummy sauce
  18. 18.
    8 croissant
  19. 19.
    2 baguettes with butter
  20. 20.
    1 giant bag of Trader Joe's roasted and salted almonds
  21. 21.
    75 tiny tea sandwiches