In honor of my spirt animal and the series finale of Parks and Rec.
  1. I'm a simple man. I like pretty, dark haired women and breakfast food.
    I pretend he's talking to me in this one. ❤️
  2. When people get a little too chummy with me, I like to call them the wrong name, to let them know I don't really care about them.
    Some stone cold bad ass shit.
  3. Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga, except I still get to kill something
    I'll follow up with another quote: "Fishing is for sport only. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.
  4. (Looking at a salad) There's been a mistake. You've accidentally given me the food that my food eats.
  5. I can't go because I don't want to.
    Booya with a solid dose of truth 👊
  6. Great job, everyone. The reception will be held in each of our individual houses, alone.
  7. Honor: if you need it defined, you don't have it.
  8. You had me at meat tornado
  9. (On bowling) straight down the middle. No hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.
  10. I'll have the #8 (Waiter: That's a party platter) I know what I am, son.
    I will miss all the people of Pawnee. But mostly, Ron Swanson.
  11. Anyone want to go to JJ's for some after dinner omelettes?
    Bonus one because this list was hard to narrow down.
  12. "Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, 'Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.' What I said was, 'Give me ALL the bacon and eggs you have.' Do you understand?"
    Suggested by @zoe