Also known as: Why My Barista Hates Me. Also also known as: I hope Nate doesn't read this list.
  1. First off - thanks for the request @angela3950!
    I love getting list requests but I'm terrible at finishing them in a reasonable timeframe...or usually finishing them at all. 🙈
  2. Okay, so I mentioned in my sassy Starbucks list (sassy to hypocritical Christians, not to Starbucks, obviously) that I usually order the same insane drink, but at Christmas I sometimes go for a peppermint mocha instead.
    Which made Angela curious about my original drink.
  3. I guess first I should just tell you my order.
    Please don't hate me. I know I'm a monster.
  4. I order it just like this, in order:
  5. Grande
  6. Hot
  7. White Mocha
  8. With Sugar-Free Cinnamon Dolce
  9. Nonfat
  10. No Whip
  11. No Foam
  12. Extra, extra hot
  13. And stirred.
  14. For the record, this is the proper way to order at Starbucks, since it tells them which cup to grab and then goes in line with the boxes on their cups, from top to bottom.
    Technically, WM goes at the bottom, but I find if I don't say it at the beginning, it often gets left out since it follows so much insanity.
  15. After starting with caffeinated lattes for several years, I switched to decaf for about 9 years, but not anymore. Now I'm basically a caffeine junkie. And have no regrets about that.
    When I did drink decaf, I also changed the number of shots, so I legitimately used every box on the cup. Now I just use a reasonable 3 boxes, although there is normally a lot of scribbling around the custom box.
  16. Sometimes my barista will ask how many pumps of white mocha and SFCD I want.
    If they do, I say two of each, sometimes 3 SFCD if I'm feeling crazy. But if they don't, I don't offer it up. I'm bad enough as is. I can't be THAT person. It will likely be sweeter if they choose the number of pumps, but I don't mind my drink sweet sometimes so all good.
  17. In the summer months, I sometimes drink a cold drink instead.
    And it's super simple now, since they came out with the Cold Brew Coffee with Vanilla Sweet Cream this past summer. I order that straight off the menu, yay! Though I do ask for extra cream if I want it a little sweeter.
  18. But I would say, regardless of weather, at least 75% of the time I get my insane drink.
  19. Said drink is based off of one I made up in high school.
  20. My first official job was at a coffee shop. I worked there from the time I was 15 to 17.
  21. It was a drive-through coffee stand in a tiny town in Montana and the owners had just bought it from my youth group leader when I started working there.
    So we were all kind of learning together.
  22. The new owner wanted to have a lot more 'custom drinks' on the menu, so we made up a lot of fun latte recipes.
    And they were all named ridiculously.
  23. My two favorites that I drank consistently were the fawn and the whitetail (Montana, y'all).
    The fawn was a cinnamon and vanilla syrup latte. The whitetail was a white chocolate powder mocha with vanilla syrup.
  24. I decided to lower the amount of powder and syrups and combine them all into one and my drink was born.
    I remember the name of the other two drinks at the drop of the hat, but can't remember what mine was called, haha! I think it was originally just the Jess but then became the Sunshine latte, since several of my customers called me that. But, honestly, that could have been some other drink. Remembering is hard. 😝
  25. The reason I pick sugar-free cinnamon dolce instead of regular cinnamon dolce syrup is because the white mocha has a ton of sugar as is, so I don't want to add to it, just to get my cinnamon fix.
    I do not do sugar-free white chocolate because it's awful. At my coffee shop, we used Ghirardelli powdered white chocolate and it was amazing! Our sugar-free white chocolate was a syrup and I hated it. At Starbucks, I also dislike their sugar-free chocolate so I stick with the regular for that.
  26. Nonfat and no whip cream are self explanatory.
    I drink organic 2% milk at home but have always preferred skim in my lattes. And the drinks are sweet enough and sugared up enough without adding whip cream too.
  27. I do not like milk foam. At all.
    I find that Starbucks puts more foam on their lattes than most places, so I just order it no foam and hope for the best. This is the step that gets missed the most often in my drink, but I get it. It's not a request they get too often, so it's easy to forget and throw some foam on top just out of habit.
  28. I order my drink extra, extra hot because I drink it really slowly. So this way it stays warm a lot longer.
    I have found if I say just extra hot, I'll get a few degrees warmer but if I say extra, extra hot, then I usually get a piping hot drink! Starbucks actually has a set number corporate wide that they don't want the drinks hotter than, or at least they used to. I think it was 180 degrees, but most of my baristas make it a touch warmer for me now. Our default at my coffee shop was 160, if I remember right, but I'm more of a 190 girl myself.
  29. I also order it stirred at Starbucks, which some baristas tell me is useless because they stir it anyway.
    But I still order it that way because sometimes they don't stir it well and I've found that asking for it helps. When I was a barista, I always put in my espresso shots first and then added the syrups or chocolate powder. This is the best way to do it in my opinion and it worked perfectly in my little stand, but I get why they don't do it at a busy Starbucks location. But because they put in syrup first, it can sit at the bottom of the cup, especially the mocha syrup, unless it's stirred well.
  30. I also always need a stopper, because I don't want to order my drink extra, extra hot just to have all the heat escape out of the top.
  31. When I'm inside (we only have one drive-through Starbucks within 20 miles of me, boo, so I am often inside), I will also add a little ground cinnamon to the top and stir my drink some more with a stirring stick.
  32. Here's yesterday's drink from the Starbucks at Target.
    It was almost perfect. Just not quite hot enough (as evidenced by my ability to hold it in my hand without the sleeve on the cup).
  33. In conclusion:
    This list is somehow both boring and ultra annoying at the same time. I know. I'm the worst.