Logic Fails

Next time William Lane Craig or Alvin Plantinga try to logic you into Church, spit these examples of valid (or amusingly invalid) arguments back at them.
  1. Nothing is better than God. A ham sandwich is better than nothing. Therefore a ham sandwich is better than God.
    Invalid argument based on different meanings of the word "nothing." But the failing is similar to the failing in the question "Why is there something instead of nothing?" Who said nothing was ever an option? See below for Parmenides' disbelief in the possibility of nothing.
  2. You have what you haven't lost. You didn't lose wings. Therefore you have wings.
    I think Seneca brought up this equivocation or fallacy of four terms derisively.
  3. That which is is. That which isn't isn't. Therefore nothing isn't. Everything is. There is no nothing. Motion is impossible because there is no nothing for stuff to move into.
    I'm botching it a little but this is Parmenides' argument. Also it's very similar to a joke of Louis CK.
  4. All dogs are not dogs. Therefore I am a sentient pile of pretzel sticks.
    A self contradiction logically implies all things. It's an infinite explosion of implication.
  5. I am the greatest list generator ever therefore all dogs are dogs.
    The inverse of the previous valid implication.