THINGS I'D RATHER SEE ON INSTAGRAM THAN THAT SALAD YOU HAD FOR LUNCH

  1. A side-by-side picture of me before and after I gained the Freshman 15
  2. My debit card and PIN number
  3. A beyond the scenes look of how McDonald's make its chicken nuggets
  4. A real-time video of my house being robbed
  5. Decapitated Minions
  6. A picture you reposted to get 10% off at Hollister
  7. Screenshots of drunk texts I've sent to girls in the past year
  8. My medical history
  9. That burger you had for dinner
    If you're gonna suck at least make it worthwhile