THE TRUTH ABOUT MY JEWISHNESS

inspired by @samboyd & @lenadunham
  1. My name doesn't give it away.
    My name is Morgan Walton Murphy. Bert Walton was my maternal great grandfather's Vaudeville stage name. He was a Goldstein but changed his last name to Walton, so that eventually became my mother's maiden name. Two years ago I found out that Bert was a comedian known as "The International Cynic." I bought an old photo of him on eBay.
  2. I don't self identify as "half"
    I was raised by my mom, and not exposed to to my dad's religion (Catholicism) but for a couple trips to church as kid. I took communion which I think is illegal or something. I was hungry.
  3. I never had a Bat Mitzvah
    I went to Hebrew School till I was 13. My mom didn't want to pay for a Bat Mitzvah. Sometimes in the car I start reciting songs and prayers from the parts of my brain that holds Jewy stuff. I don't know what they mean anymore but I know enough to have been a terrible Hebrew School teacher for 2 weeks.
  4. I've never been to Israel.
    I was offered a lot of free trips there when I wasn't old enough to make decisions for myself, but my mom wouldn't let me go. Despite the fact that she worked on a kibbutz in her youth, she was truly afraid I'd get blown up on a bus. I still have to go.
  5. My Hebrew name is "Malka"
    it means queen
  6. Eat Days of Hanukkah
    I could eat lox & chicken liver & matzoh brei forever. My favorite thing about every Jewish event was always the food. I remember hearing someone had died when I was little and all I knew was that meant we'd go to a house where they'd have deli platters (and I could put however much mayonnaise I wanted on my roast beef sandwich). Wish I could remember who died. Probably someone cool.
  7. Jewish Boys
    I don't think they like me. Maybe I'm not Jewish enough for Jewish guys who like Jewish girls, and I'm not "exotic" enough for Jewish guys who don't like Jewish girls. Or I just never leave my apt & I'm mistaking self-imposed solitude with being disliked.