The tears and joys of raising your Rainbow Baby.
A quick introduction, a Rainbow Baby is your first child born after a still birth or infant death. My beautiful Angel daughter was in my arms for eight hours on a sunny Saturday in 2011, she has never left my heart, my husband's heart, or any of her grandparents and aunts and uncles. My handsome Rainbow Baby son joined our family this past January.
- •Tear number one through one thousand - the second my son cried once he was born.My daughter was still born, and the silence of the minutes after her birth where deafening. To go through labor again and have the end result be a beautiful screaming cry, it was worth a thousand tears.
- •The joy of holding a baby just born and staring right into their soul and saying " Hello, it is so nice to finally meet you, I'm your mommy. "He peed as soon as he was born - it was great
- •The drive home - fear and tears.As I said to my husband as we drove away from the hospital, I'm so scared this is a dream, and he's not here with us. I had two amazingly wonderful pregnancies, the first one though I drove away from the hospital saying to my then boyfriend - we are either going to be together forever or this will rip us apart, and here we were again driving away from the hospital.
- •So now on to the daily stuff....
- •Before my son was born there was the first second of the morning of true happiness. It was always by the second second that the reality of life crept in and she was gone. And it's the same now. The difference now? Now we co sleep with an infant and I nurse.
- •Now the third second comes into play. Now it is Happiness, Sadness, happiness/ouch please don't bite mommy, and then the fourth second.... Which brings the thought, Would she be waking up soon and jumping in bed with us if she was here......
- •My daughter and son though born four years apart could be identical twins. At least that's what I thought/think.The first two months were hard. Staring at a gorgeous little boy that I loved so much that brought me extreme happiness that in a second glance brought extreme sadness because she wasn't here.
- •The joy of cuddling, I truly understood how precious this time was and I wasn't going to let any of slip away.I spent every waking second of my maternity leave cuddling my son. Well we do cloth diapers so I couldn't let laundry pile up. But I never once let myself feel guilty for not cleaning a dish or letting the carpet go un-vacuumed for over a week because I was cuddling with him instead.
- •The crippling fear causes many tearsWhat if something happens to him.. The worst had happened before
- •The joy of seeing your new baby love their toy
- •The tears that come when you think if your first child would have loved that same toy, it was gifted to them.Almost everything our son has is a hand-me down that's never been used......
- •Joy - new baby smell
- •Tears - new baby smell
- •Tears - Thinking to myself, am I a bad mom? I only make it to her grave site once a week now.
- •Joy - being able to share the memory of her with more family