THE WEEK I FUCKED THE SHIT OUT OF ADULTHOOD
- •After spending six hours at Home Depot, I repotted my office plant- Sylvia- whom I have single-handedly kept alive for MANY months.
- •I bought and assembled a carpet steamer, using my own hands, an instruction manual, and a twisty tool thingy.
- •I framed my very important business card in order to prevent trolls from being confused about agency hierarchy.
- •I became a man-hating Republican-loathing feminist. And I hope everyone with a dick gets fucked by a bleating hell goat.
- •I kicked ass at a parent-teacher conference during which we discussed the disciplinary action taken against Penelope for pushing monopolist dumbasses off the slide. (I will not apologize for raising the poster-child for social Darwinism).
- •And because I was too busy running the world, I missed a manicure appointment, wound up doing my own nails, and am admiring them as I sip the coffee that I brewed. By myself. Like the fucking boss that I am. You're welcome.