CANDIDATES

After kate riley's great bubblebathosbands.tumblr.com
  1. Bernie sanders - dumpster-diving once in college, whining about having to use a condom, bragging about not liking "sportsball"
  2. Hillary clinton - those suvs that are like "for moms," posting an amy schumer bit and adding the caption, "food for thought," having strong opinions about "that homewrecker" angelina jolie, laughing really hard at those novelty books that just add more cursing to the original text
  3. Donald trump - having a generic "classy male model" pic or a bikini babe pic as your only pic on facebook and posting only memes about success and about trying not to nut
  4. Ted cruz - movies about how christians are persecuted in america nowadays; speaking in hushed, frightened tones about any city; novelty "forget the dog, beware the owner"-type signs from bass pro shops