THINGS ONLY WRITERS WHO ARE HUMAN MONSTERS UNDERSTAND

  1. Writers spend all dang day in the coffee shop!
    If you go into a coffee shop, you might be tempted to make conversation with a ruggedly disheveled person hunched over a laptop with an intense look in his or her eyes. Don't do it, friend! This person cares only about fame, ego-stroking, and possibly, bathing in the blood of the innocent!
  2. Writers love tea!
    If you're a writer, you know you love to suck down that tea. You also know you're a soulless husk who will drain anybody who approaches of their will to live like so much constant comment!
  3. Writers will use details about your personal life in their work!
    If you get close to one, he or she will write about you! Get ready for some embarrassing details to be aired about the horrible exsanguination you inevitably end up facing at the writer's hands!
  4. They're always procrastinatin'!
    A funny thing about writers is that they will do anything to get out of writing. Don't be surprised if you see writers doing any of the following things instead of working on their magnum opuses: drinking tea, binge-watching their favorite shows on netflix, playing some bejeweled blitz, or just committing grisly, unspeakable acts of murder in the woods or something somewhere-- ah, i dunno, i'll put off filling in the details until later!
  5. Be gentle with your criticism!
    Writers are very, very sensitive, so remember: statements that begin with "one thing you can do here..." Or "i was confused by..." Work better than statements that start with, "you stabbed me!" Or " aaaaaah there's so much blood everywhere!"