THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO FROM THE NEW X-FILES

  1. App that kills people episode
  2. Scully texting mulder back with "new phone who is this"
  3. Mulder having a harder time keeping his conspiracy theories straight
    If he's continued believing every conspiracy theory since the early 2000s, he's going to have to do a lot of rhetorical gymnastics to convince himself that bush did 9/11 AND obama did sandy hook
  4. "Scully, i'm in love with you.
    We've probably gotten it on at some previously unmentioned point through all this, but that's not what matters. What matters is that... I know i'm difficult. Borderline autistic. Arrogant. Kind of a sad loser. But i've just received word from none other than the president himself, whom we can totally trust, even though i'm sure he did sandy hook, that the evil syndicate is being arrested & it's all been worth it"
  5. "Oh mulder... I love you too.
    Now that we've finished saving the american people, let's move to adams morgan & shop at whole foods & teach our kids the value of hard work, and every now & then we'll watch the old "alien autopsy" video, and think of how dark things were back then, but also how ridiculous."
  6. CIGARETTE SMOKING MAN:
    And i've learned something too. I've learned that secrecy, filicide, conspiracy, and selling out your planet to malevolent aliens can get you pretty far in this country-- almost to the top. But it can't get you everything. Remember the one about how i'm a failed fiction writer? So great, right?
  7. Isn't it great that we're all better people?
  8. Sha! As if!
  9. As if we'd really end it like that!
  10. Let's do the mega-bleak ending.
  11. Okay!