1. Because we publish things like this: http://the-tusk.com/2015/01/09/ice-balls/
  2. Because you're a good writer but you write more like specific personal narratives or nuanced analyses of works of culture, rather than things like,
    "Beyonce deserves to be thrown in the trash for not representing furries" or "i'm sick of the peasants daring to look upon me whenever i leave my williamsburg condo" or "37 times harry potter wasn't racist"
  3. "Being published is good for your resume" my mom just said that, get out of here, mom! I'm trying to be rock and roll!
  4. To try and be listed among the likes of @tombatten, @lizzyacker, shobha rao, colin winnette, sarah griffin, joe rumrill, cassie j sneider, @cachilders, @courteousflush, and @aliciacamden. You might not know every one of those names just yet, but bud, you will
  5. You want to correspond with this cool dude
  6. You yourself are beyonce and want to apologize about the whole furry thing i mentioned earlier, it's just that you feel that you couldn't yourself fully convey the furry experience without appropriating or taking liberties, and here are some important furry recording artists we should check out on tidal
  7. You are beyonce and want to publish an article confessing your undying love for this cool dude