What I am

  1. A more animated Aubrey Plaza
    A friend said this recently and it is both accurate and flattering
  2. Murder-y
    🙄 🔪
  3. Nerd Glam
    🤓 💅
  4. Able to immediately recognize and recall the name of an animal I've met once yet have no interest in the attached human or clue to what they look like even after several meetings
    My roommate has a friend with an old dog named Baxter. I can pick Baxter out of a line up even though I've met him twice for about 2 mins total. I could not name his human or describe said human other than I think he's maybe skinny?
  5. Desperately hoping to catch the attention of every dog I see (like every other Brooklyn schmuck who is dogless)
    See bullet above
  6. Obsessed with our family cat
    Fuck you if you think your cat is better
  7. Hyper aware of every piece of garbage I throw out in a useless fashion
    I picture a landfill every time I go towards the garage can and I blame Sesame Street and a few weird documentaries. This does not mean I'm going the extra mile or anything. Just saying that I'm REALLY REALLY AWARE OF IT.
  8. Really into pillow forts
    Next time you think an adult you know has too many cushions, just assume that they use them to build pillow forts when no one is around to judge.
  9. Obsessed with making lists
    Le duh