HOW I ALMOST GAVE BIRTH IN A PARKING GARAGE

This is long, but for me, the joy and hilarity of this story is in the details. Thanks for the inspiration @jessnobs!
  1. It was Sunday, August 2nd, four days before my due date.
  2. The day before we had gone swimming and then to the Ohio State Fair. I walked a lot and ate an ill-advised amount of fried food.
    We took this as a joke at one of those super hick photo booths. It's the last picture we have of us before our son was born. I have no regrets.
  3. We had gone to the hospital in the wee hours of Sunday morning because I hadn't felt the baby kick in over an hour. Luckily, everything was fine. While I was hooked up to the monitor they told me I was contracting. I had no idea. They sent us home.
  4. We got a couple more hours of sleep then went on with our day.
  5. Around noon, I actually noticed I was having contractions. They were in my back and very sporadic. I didn't think much of it, but it did give us the kick in the pants we needed to finish a few quick projects around the house.
  6. A few hours later the contractions were still hanging around but not really gaining in intensity or frequency.
  7. We had decided to take a Hypnobabies class and try for a natural childbirth. I thought the whole thing was way too hippie for me, but I ended up loving the guided relaxation throughout my pregnancy and delivery.
  8. At 4ish, I decided to listen to one of my hypnobabies scripts. Hypnobabies teaches you to perceive contractions as pressure, not pain, and for the most part that was what I experienced throughout my labor. I fell asleep and woke up starving.
  9. My husband made me some boxed Mac and Cheese and I gobbled it down. I still didn't think I was really in labor.
  10. I made some cookies (I had planned to take cookies to our delivery team), took a shower, and spent some time on the birth ball. Around 7 PM I decided we either needed to try to sleep or get something going.
  11. I laid down, but the contractions kept me up, so I told my husband we needed to have a dance party and start timing those suckers.
  12. Things got real. Fast. My contractions got much more intense and were edging towards 5 minutes apart.
  13. At 10 PM, I told my husband to pack the car. I called the midwife. She said I seemed to be handling everything so well I should try to stay home for a few more hours.
    I loved my midwife, and trusted her completely, but I REALLY should've trusted my body at this point and got my butt to a hospital.
  14. I waited about a half hour but things were moving fast. My contractions were suddenly a minute apart and I honestly wasn't sure how I'd get to the car.
  15. My husband was terrified of giving birth at home so he forced me (nicely) to the car and sped off. I don't remember much about the ride except yelling at him for taking a clover leaf too fast. 😁😂
  16. We got to the hospital around 11:30 and parked in the parking garage. I begged my husband to let me walk to Labor and Delivery because it was so uncomfortable to sit.
  17. I had to stop every 30 seconds for a contraction so after moving about 20 feet in 2 minutes, my husband said, "We are not having this baby in a parking garage. Sit your butt down in the wheelchair." And he steered me like a maniac into the hospital.
  18. The elevator stopped on the way up to L&D and despite my animal-like groaning, a random couple GOT ON THE ELEVATOR WITH US. This still blows my mind. I was too "in the zone" to laugh or be embarrassed or angry then, but I am all of those things now.
  19. We FINALLY got to L&D where they admitted me to triage. At this point, my husband tells me I was "non compliant." This makes me laugh because I am normally friendly, polite, and a rule follower to a fault.
  20. The nurse told me to put on a gown. I refused. She told me to lay on my back so they could get a monitor on me. I said no.
  21. I told the nurse I was ready to push NOW. She laughed at me. The look I gave her was not one that said 'hey, I'm a sweet, caring person who made you cookies!" 😡
  22. She FINALLY checked me and I was 10 cm and ready to go. UH YEAH, TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW.
  23. The midwife wasn't even there yet when they wheeled me back to delivery. I was starting to push while they were setting the IV. It took 8 attempts. Shockingly enough, that may have been the worst part of my entire labor. I had bruises all over my arms for a week.
  24. My husband was an amazing coach. By that point, I'd pretty much lost my hypnosis and relaxation but he kept repeating affirmations to me, encouraging me, and offering me sips of water.
  25. The midwife showed up and was a great calming presence in the midst of the chaos. I had maybe been pushing for 30 minutes when they told me the baby's heart rate was dropping and I needed to get him out pronto.
  26. Two pushes later, at 3:44 AM on August 3rd, he arrived! I had had meconium in my water so they told me beforehand if he didn't scream right away they'd have to take him away. Thankfully, he let out a big, chesty wail and they laid him on my chest immediately. It was indescribable. The relief. The wonder. The raw power of it. I'll never forget it.
  27. We enjoyed a few hours of skin to skin time before they took him and weighed him (6 lbs 11 oz), cleaned him, and transferred us to our room.
  28. Once we got to our room we realized that in our rush we'd left all our luggage in the car. My husband went out to grab it and discovered we not only left our luggage, but the car door was also standing wide open. 😁 By some miracle, nothing was taken, not even the cookies for the nurses!
  29. Our birth didn't go "according to plan." I didn't use the tub. Or calmly walk the halls of the hospital, joking with the nurses. Or take one last belly bump photo before we went to the hospital. But it's our story. It's hilarious and chaotic and beautiful and just so very "us." We are late to everything else, so why not the birth of our child?
  30. I'm so thankful our story ended with this sweet little face, and that the backdrop wasn't the third floor of a filthy parking garage. 🙌🙌