Assumed Plots to Movies I Have Never Seen

  1. The Notebook
    Set at the turn of the 19th century, Regina George and RyGos fall in love despite bullshit reasons why they can't be together. Most of the film is spent sneaking around in secrecy until something happens where they must finally say goodbye. They make out in the rain and credits roll.
  2. Raging Bull
    Artsy Rocky
  3. The Green Mile
    For unexplainable (probably allusions to Jesus), magical stuff happens at a jail although none of it is actually that scary, despite being written by Stephen King.
  4. The Help
    A group of black maids who are treated poorly by affluent, white families decide to pull a bunch of pranks and laugh about it. One of these pranks involves pooping in a chocolate pie. Eventually the white woman see the error in their ways and bond with the help over female-stuff aka how men suck.
  5. Life is Beautiful
    Roberto Benigni hams it up for his son in a concentration camp in an effort to hide the fact that they're both going to do. They both die.
  6. American History X
    A gang of neo-nazis terrorize people. Someone gets curb stomped. The main character gets killed because he's a scumbag.
  7. The Pianist
    A famed and respected Jewish pianist living in... Probably Poland, suddenly must deal with the horrors of the Nazi invasion. The atrocities of their actions is juxtaposed with his beautiful compositions. Brody won an Oscar for this so I assume he dies.
  8. Say Anything
    John Cusack majorly fucks it up with he prettiest, sweetest, and most popular girl in school. He talks to the camera a lot about how he royally screwed things up. Most of the movie is spent on things that have nothing to do with the plot, other than John moping around a lot. Finally he decided to stand outside that girl's window with a boom box. She comes down. They kiss. They go to prom together. Credits.
  9. Million Dollar Baby
    Rocky with tits.
  10. Roman Holiday
    Audrey Hepburn looks stunning in every shot - does more talking with her looks than with her words. Same goes for Gregory Peck. They meet in Rome on holiday, fall in love, there's conflict for about 3 minutes and then it gets resolved. The end.