A useful guide for when you don't want to lie but don't have anything nice to say.
  1. You!!!! You did it!
    (Unfortunately the "it" was suck.)
  2. Wow! That was unbelievable.
    (Because it was so terrible)
  3. I am blown away - seriously. Absolutely floored.
    (At just how bad that was.)
  4. You!!!! You did it, again!
    (Still not getting any better, are you?)
  5. You were born to (insert whatever they do - act, sing, dance, write, juggle, competitive eat, etc.)
    (But between birth and being good, you're going to need a lot more practice.)
  6. It's clear that you put so much work into this
  7. I just found out I'm pregnant
    Not a compliment but it'll definitely shift the focus pretty quickly. This is a tough one to use multiple times and - depending on your level of commitment to saving face - you might have to get pregnant.
  8. You!!!! How do you keep doing it?!You're something else.
  9. Congratulations!!!
    (And then that's it, run away)
    Suggested by @maya
  10. Was that seriously you up there?!
    (Please tell me it wasn't, because yikes!)
  11. What. Just. HAPPENED.
    I go for energized incredulity- it can be read as positive. ("HOW. HOW." "This?? You?? NOPE.")
    Suggested by @thebfg
    Suggested by @ruddybuddy
  13. Just. Wow.
    Suggested by @EricElkins
  14. No words...
    Suggested by @molliekatzen
  15. No way!
    ...should you ever do that again. ...should you continue to pursue this line of work.
    Suggested by @dball
  16. "So BRAVE"
    This was our go-to at NYU.
    Suggested by @meganriordan
  17. You must be so proud! How did it feel?! It made me think of [insert reference to a positive memory you share that crossed your mind] and how [continue discussing positive memory]. You were totally channeling all that--but filtering it through the uniqueness that is you!
    Suggested by @SGGinNYC
  18. You have so much to be proud of!
    You're not, of course, referring to the work in question but their child/dog/car.
    Suggested by @ReeseGolchin