Best Things to Double Check

  1. Which NYC airport you're departing from
    Ashamed to admit I've showed up to the wrong airport multiple times
  2. Sexting auto-corrects
    You know what's not sexy? Telling a girl you want to "gently stroke her clot." Equally not as sexy is being told someone wants to "duck your clock"
  3. Every LA street parking sign. Ever.
    Not that it matters, you're still getting a ticket.
  4. That she is indeed pregnant
    Quadruple check this if there's ANY doubt before acknowledging the baby bump.
  5. Who you're texting
    The amount of times I accidentally put the name of the person I'm shit talking in the "to" field is staggering.
  6. Open Safari tabs before heading to the Genius Bar
    The amount of porn that I've seen fire up when someone opens up their laptop... Incredible.
  7. Reply vs. Reply All
    It's the difference between telling your good friend know you can't make their party and letting the entire guest list know you're out of commission due to "unending diarrhea."