Dude Struggles: Why It's Tough to Be a Guy

As a preface: yes, being a woman is probably way harder than being a man, but that doesn't mean we don't struggle too!
  1. Hugging is taboo
    Women take for granted that it's not weird if they hug someone they've just met. The amount of outstretched hands I've hugged into is overwhelming.
  2. Only 1 orgasm per ride
    Is it easier to achieve? Yes. But it's always the same and always just once. Variety is the spice of life, people, and you ladies have a cornucopia of pleasure experiences.
  3. I want a purse!
    When I lived in Japan it was totally normal for men to have "murses" because they took public transportation and were out all day. I have lots of stuff I'd like to carry and my skinny jeans aren't a feasible place to keep them.
  4. Spinal issues from sitting on my wallet
    No purse. It's a struggle.
  5. Keys stabbing my ass from sitting on my keys
    Where am I supposed to keep these fuckers if not a purse?
  6. We're always the villains. Always.
    Yes there are exceptions, but for every 1 female villain I can name you 20 male villains. Sup with that?!
  7. Society expects us to be the ones to squash spiders, go to battle, check the basement for a monster, and go downstairs when there could be an intruder.
    Fuck that. Fuck all of that.
  8. Men's bathrooms are gross
    Can't speak for many women's bathrooms, but you ladies don't strike me as the types to poop on a seat, leave the toilet unflushed, scratch your name into mirrors and walls, or just leave the water running until it floods.
  9. Can't use the word "boyfriend" in a non-sexual context.
    Like, "just hanging out with my boyfriend tonight - gonna play some Mario Kart and listen to records." Women can say "girlfriend" without inviting questions.
  10. Cheek-kissing is a one-way street
    I love some of you dudes and yet, if I were to kiss you on the cheek... Nah uh.
  11. We're outnumbered and outlived
    I work out. I eat right. I avoid dangerous situations whenever possible and yet, most of my female counterparts will outlive me. Sup with that?!?
  12. Can't wear makeup
    For the record, I have no desire to wear makeup. But we have bad skin days too and don't have the aid of concealer. Or maybe I want to get all fancy for some event - aside from throwing on a tux what options do I have?
  13. Can't use our sexuality to get ahead
    Not saying women should or do, but at least they have the option. Me unbuttoning my shirt and showing off a little more chest hair isn't getting me a promotion. Is this sexist? It might be sexist... Sorry!
  14. Can't really reproduce on our own
    Jury is still out, but I bet that in the future, men will need women to make babies more than women need men. As a note, I haven't studied biology since the 10th grade so I may not be the most reliable source on this one.