God Creating Animals, Vol. 2

  1. Llama
  2. God: Put some legs on that mop!
  3. Praying Mantis
  4. God: Let's do, like, a boxing version of a cricket or something.
  5. Giraffe
  6. God: Bahahahahahahaha
  7. Angel: What is it, sir?
  8. God: Look at this jackass!
  9. Angel: Okay... What's so funny?
  10. God: This gangly-fuck has to outrun a lion! Bahahahahaha!!!!
  11. Manatee
  12. God: Give that sack of potatoes a frown!
  13. Angel: Anything else?
  14. God: Nah, just drop it in the ocean, we're done here.
  15. Anteater
  16. God: What would a furry vacuum cleaner look like...
  17. Turkey
  18. God: Here you go *passes a drawing*
  19. Angel: Sir, this is just an outline of your hand, what do you want me to do with this?
  20. God: I dunno, put a scrotum on its chin or something.
  21. Lobster
  22. God: All set!
  23. Angel: Okay um... This animal seems to be inside out... you put the skeleton on the outside and all of the mea—
  24. God: I KNOW WHAT I DID!!!
  25. ...
  26. God: Okay yeah, shit... Whatever, make it eat fish crap. Let's move on.
  27. Toucan
  28. God: I'm really proud of this new bird I created!
  29. Angel: Sir, this is literally just a crow. You just handed me a crow.
  30. God: *grumbles* Okay well then give it a fruity beak or some shit - I'm going to sleep.
  31. Caterpillar
  32. God: Hoooollllly shhhhhhiiittttttttttttt
  33. Angel: God?
  34. God: Tehehehehe
  35. Angel: Sir... Are you oka—
  36. God: Look! This little dude crapped his own coffin!!!
  37. Angel: Why are your pupils so dilated?
  38. God: Oh wait, what's that? You're not dead little dude, you turned into A MOTHER FUCKING BUTTERFLY?!?!?!?
  39. Angel: Alllright, let's say we call it a night. Yeah?
  40. God: Fly my little friend!!! Be free!!! Fly into the setting sun!!! Tehehehehehehe.
  41. Ferret
  42. God: What if like, it's just a hyperactive tail?
  43. Human
  44. God: Behold, my finest creation. He shall rule the Earth!
  45. Angel: Um, sir, you're putting an air breather on a planet that's like, 75% wat—
  46. God: DO NOT QUESTION ME!
  47. Angel: Okay but like, the pipe for eating and the pipe for breathing are literally a centimeter apart, don't you think that's a little danger-
  48. God: SILENCE! I AM THE ALL POWERFUL, ALL KNOWING GOD. I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!!
  49. Angel: Right, it just seems like maybe if you're gonna put it on Earth with all these dangerous animals you should give it some sort of defense...
  50. God: ........ Fire.
  51. Angel: Oh great! It's resistant to fire???
  52. God: No, it'll die if it catches fire.
  53. Angel: Uh huh...
  54. God: Yeah okay, not my best work, but did you see that boxing cricket I made?? That shit was dope!
  55. Eel
  56. Angel: So we're getting a lot of complaints about snakes. Turns out people hate them.
  57. God: oh yeah?
  58. Angel: Yeah, apparently they're mean and creepy and pretty unanimously despised.
  59. God: Cool, so then let's put a snake in the ocean
  60. Angel: But why would we d—
  61. God: And make it hella mean!
  62. Angel: Right but people are already afraid of the ocean, don't you th—
  63. God: Also, remove all those colorful and beautiful patterns I designed for the snake and just make this thing black and generally ugly all around.
  64. Angel: But that was the one nice thing about snakes!
  65. God: Okay fine, give the eel a silly googly eye. We're done here.