Inevitable Trump "Policy" Tweets

  1. After consulting with my head of EPA as well as many park rangers, please be advised that the United States Government will no longer recognize...
  2. ... any animals as "endangered" or "on the brink of extinction" and will hereby be lifting all hunting restrictions...
  3. ... so that all game is fair game. Our hunters must not be burdened by regulations and must instead be swift with the trigger. Thank you.
  4. Please be advised that the United States Government will no longer provide tours of the White House to...
  5. ... crippled individuals or particularly slow old people. We must run our government efficiently and...
  6. ... waiting on slow tour groups to clear the halls costs the taxpayers their hard earned money. Thank you.
  7. ATTENTION ALL "WAR VETS": After extensive discussions with many smart people and my generals, I have decided that the United States Government...
  8. ... will only recognize the heroic efforts of those of you who were not captured in combat because...
  9. ...victory against our enemies relies on us not being captured and instead killing the bad guys. Thank you.