In honor of Draft Week (@john) I present something I made, didn't post immediately, and then scrapped once Lena Dunham made a very similar list.
  1. Panda Bear
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    I don't want a PB as a pet, I want one as a roommate. Carl would be his name. Sometimes we'd just hang out and watch Chopped together. The fact that this will never happen actually makes me sad.
  2. Chimpanzee
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    I'm an only child, so living with a chimp would be like having a 98% sibling. Oh the fun we'd have together! Would definitely teach her sign language and Mario Kart.
  3. Slow Loris
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    After a long day at work, what could be better than coming home to this little dude? Dumped? Fired? Lose all your money in a pyramid scheme? Wouldn't matter when I saw this guy's face.
  4. Falcon
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    Or a hawk - I'm not that picky. I just wanna be able to walk through WeHo with this guy on my shoulder, giving everyone the stink eye (him, not me - I'd have a huge, shit eating grin on my face.)
  5. Sea Otter
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    Same effect as the Slow Loris - no day is a shitty day - but with a lot more activity. I imagine sea otters are just as playful as dogs. Mine would be, anyway. His name would be Alfie.