Products That Should Have Been in Skymall (Rip)

  1. The Beauty Sleeper
    Does your mouth hang open when you're asleep on the plane, leaving you looking like a Big Mouth Billy Bass (pg. 76)? Well no more! Wrap your head in the Beauty Sleeper and *rest* assured knowing you look good.
  2. The Toilet Desk
    Do your business while you do your business. Big enough for a laptop and a cup of coffee. Easily expands and retracts from the side of the toilet for out of the way storage. Tag line: get shit done
  3. The Money Bra
    Avoid pickpockets and would-be purse snatchers with this bra with a built in pouch for bills, your ID, and two credit cards.
  4. The Genius Pen
    It writes. It reads what you right and stores it on a chip. It records audio. The ink is erasable. It's sharp enough to use against would-be burglars. It has a laser pointer. It's GPS enabled to ensure it's never lost. It's got a spy camera. It works in space. It works under water. It writes on all surfaces including cement and jello. Great gift.
  5. Cherished Voices Talking Wall Clock
    Be reminded of your loved ones voices on the hour, ever hour. Record them reciting the time and never be without them. Great gift for the grandparents!
  6. Camouflage Bathrobe
    A great gift for hunting enthusiasts, veterans, and anyone who likes to *stand out*!
  7. Heated Slippers
    Cool tile floors turning your toes in to icicles? No more! These Lithium-Ion powered rechargeable slippers ensure your piggies are always toasty.
  8. Ping Pong 2000
    An out of this world update to a beloved game. X-treme game play for kids of all ages! Double sided glow-in-the-dark paddles and strobe-lighted table ensure hours of fun for the whole family.
  9. Skormper
    Is it a skirt? Are they shorts? Is it a romper? No! It's a Skormper, the latest fashion craze to sweep the nation!
  10. Never-dry sponge
    Using NASA developed technology, this sponge never dries out! 100% moisture lock ensures it's always ready to clean.
  11. MyFreshies
    1/10 Americans suffers from unexpected flatulence. MyFreshies is a patented charcoal diffuser that fits all sizes of underwear guaranteeing an odorless outburst.