Some direct quotes, some extrapolations, some good advice for choosing a man.
  1. He's funny
    "Always makes me laugh"
  2. He's never spoken of past lovers
  3. He flows on the downlow
    Your guess is as good as mine. I think, based in context, they're saying he spit game at other women but is smooth and discrete about it. Doesn't sound like a great quality, IMO.
  4. He's smooth like Barry
    Presumably Barry White though Barry Manilow was smooth. And always "kept his flow on the downlow" so maybe it's Manilow...
  5. His voice has bass
    Sorry, Kanye.
  6. His body resembles Arnold Schearzenegger
  7. His face, however, is reminiscent of Denzel Washington
  8. He always comes bearing gifts
    Salt 'n' Peppa's love language seems to be "gifts"
  9. He's not a "fake wannabe tryin' be a pimp"
  10. He dresses like a "dapper don" - even in jeans!
    Quite the feat!
  11. He knows that his lover's name is not Susan
  12. He's not a "wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am" kind of lover
    Homeboy might be Sting
  13. He's never disrespectful (his mom taught him that)