Terrible Moments in Otherwise Awesome Experiences

  1. When the massage is clearly ending
    It usually involves some sort of cupped-hand slapping. Suddenly you're whipped out of your blissful state and left counting down to the inevitable end.
  2. Brad Pitt's cameo, '12 Years a Slave'
    You can't have one of the biggest movie stars in the world show up two-thirds of the way through your ultra-dramatic period piece film - and with that neck beard - for only 10 minutes. Completely takes you out of the film.
  3. Regal First Look
    Movies are awesome. Trailers are awesome. The Regal First Look is never awesome.
  4. The first hour of a party you're hosting
    The wrong people always show up first. The music is either too loud for conversation or too soft to create a fun atmosphere. You've got people awkwardly trying to help out in the kitchen and others awkwardly huddled around the guacamole. And yet, if no one actually shows up until an hour after the designated start time, that also sucks.
  5. 'Octopus's Garden' on Abbey Road
    I think they just needed to give Ringo something to do.
  6. Finals in college
    College was awesome, finals were not. They weren't even so not-awesome that they were ironically cool, nor are they fun to reminisce about. I think standardized testing should be over once you're accepted into college. Let me write a paper, don't give me a Scantron!
  7. The opening tracks to Graceland and Blonde on Blonde
    Two of the best albums ever begin with songs that are fine, at best. They have no place on these great albums, let alone as the openers!
  8. Most artists' new material in live shows
    Not always, and when done right, sometimes the best moments, but usually it's not fun to hear songs that haven't quite been worked out for the first time in a live setting. Just play the hits, people!
  9. Charlie horse whilst masturbating
    I used "whilst" to make this a little classier.