Inspired by, though nowhere near as funny as @john
  1. "Running 5 minutes early."
  2. "I'm just going to call you to coordinate - that'll be way more efficient."
  3. "This is your Uber driver, I'm in front of the wrong building 3 blocks away."
  4. "Sorry it took me a few minutes to respond, I was driving."
  5. "This short exchange is over, please stop responding with small talk."
  6. "Saw your text literally the second you sent it and just chose not to reply."
    Attn: @Lauren
  7. "Hey Nicholas this is Emily Mortimer - B.J. gave me your number, hope that's okay! I just think you're so sexy and was hoping I could call you every day and pontificate in my adorable accent."