Things I Rant About

  1. Bacon is a pork product. Don't call something "turkey bacon" — that's insane and doesn't make sense. Make your own damn word.
  2. Inversely, "jerky" does not imply any specific animal, it is always modified i.e. Beef jerky, turkey jerky, salmon jerky.
  3. "Reese's" is pronounced so that it rhymes with "pieces" — if you pronounce it any other way you are wrong.
    I got confirmation from the president of the Hershey's museum.
  4. You've gotta separate the artist from the art! I don't know shit about Rembrandt — I think he was Dutch (??) — but damn that dude could paint!
    Say what you will about Kanye, the guy can make music.
  5. The bare minimum required to turn avocado into guacamole has nothing to do with ingredients, it's all about intent.
    If you smash an avocado and do nothing else with it, but you plan on dipping chips in it, that's guacamole.
  6. It is irresponsible to the consumer to refer to a taco simply as a "fish taco" — what kind of fish???
  7. They *were* on a break!!!!
  8. Not enough people appreciate the most ingenious invention ever: gift cards. You're selling *nothing* that will either a) never be redeemed b) be redeemed for less than the value c) lead to a purchase totaling more than the value
    Every outcome is a huge win for the gift card issuer.
  9. Why do they call it "cookie dough" ice cream?? How is that different than calling it "cookie" ice cream? It's not. Cookie dough is the same god damned flavor as cookie!
  10. I cannot believe that people willingly order & eat a product called "imitation crab" — what is wrong with you?