1. Jerry's Famous Deli Menu
    I've stared at it, sure, but I was just going through the motions. For all I know there's Chinese Food hidden on the 5th page.
  2. 90% of the New Yorker articles I cite in conversation
    But I do read 100% of the cartoon captions.
  3. @EthanDawes 's script that I helped him film
    Sorry, dude, but it turned out well!
  4. Driver's Ed. Booklet
    I passed and haven't hit anyone, so time well saved.
  5. The Torah
    Which is just as well because I refused to get Bar Mitzvahed and my mom still loves me and thinks I'm God's gift to this world.
  6. Becca Swor's 7th grade breakup letter
    She had her friend hand it to me and I just threw it out - I knew it was coming and spared myself her criticism.
  7. iTunes fine print
    Any fine print for that matter.
  8. Any book I've ever received as a gift
    Two exceptions: 1. If it's known that I want the book 2. When my girlfriend got me your book, @bjnovak but mainly because I thought the font was gonna be as big as the cover font.
  9. The fwd email thread my mom sent me during the holidays
    As soon as I saw a Labrador in a Christmas sweater I stopped and responded "lol" but I lied, I didn't lol.