I used to be one of the above.
  1. No One Seems to Think About How Weird Eggs Are
    Some people do, I guess, but I'm usually shocked when otherwise fully functional-looking, even slick-looking, even impeccably fashionable and clean people would ask to put eggs in their mouths. Not that I don't love eating eggs.
  2. If You Serve Spaghetti on Mexican Night, It's Best to Use a Lot of Salsa
    And most people do prefer the red kind to the verde. In this situation, at least.
  3. You Sell More Clams than Usual When the Waitstaff Dresses Up Like Clams
    Includes chowder. Leave the "Clams Three Ways" off the menu, though, gets dicey, however popular.
  4. Only One Nice Lady Thinks It's Funny When You Call Them "Vegan Wings" on Account of the Poor Chicken's Diet
    Didn't get her name.
  5. 1-Minute Aioli Is Easy but You Really Have to Believe in It
    Truly, I would bust out huge batches of 1-Minute mayo- also known as Cheatin' Aioli- in the food processor, until one day I asked myself, "why is this working, shouldn't it not be so easy?" And then I couldn't ever really get it to work again.
  6. Even After a 3-Day Slow Roast, Salt and Citrus Rub, Plenty of Basting, and a Rich Masala Gravy, You Can't Eat Wood
  7. Giorgio Dempsey Is Allergic to Shellfish
    Nice man who lived down the street. Respiratory constriction, hives, generalized itch.
  8. Not Everyone Knows What the Matches in the Bathroom Are For
    You can't cook pee-pee, my man!