10 REASONS WHY BABIES MAKE ALMOST PERFECT PETS

  1. 1.
    DIAPERS - diapers not only save your carpet but make potty training totally unnecessary
  2. 2.
    STROLLERS - what other pet can you tie down in public when it's acting up?
  3. 3.
    CRIBS - "set it and forget it"
  4. 4.
    FOOD - it's just mushy gross human food... And also boobies
  5. 5.
    TOOTHLESS - no chance of one of these ol geezers ripping a hole in your socks
  6. 6.
    SLOW MOVING - put one on its tummy and go about your business, it'll just lay there with it's face in the carpet
  7. 7.
    NO COORDINATION - no hand eye coordination means that Xanex bottle is the perfect rattle
  8. 8.
    VOCAL - I did say "almost" perfect
  9. 9.
    HAIRLESS - no shedding means go on and wear black, girl
  10. 10.
    RETURN POLICY - if you don't love and care for your baby, someone will literally come to your house and take it away from you... Can't beat that