1. DIAPERS - diapers not only save your carpet but make potty training totally unnecessary
  2. STROLLERS - what other pet can you tie down in public when it's acting up?
  3. CRIBS - "set it and forget it"
  4. FOOD - it's just mushy gross human food... And also boobies
  5. TOOTHLESS - no chance of one of these ol geezers ripping a hole in your socks
  6. SLOW MOVING - put one on its tummy and go about your business, it'll just lay there with it's face in the carpet
  7. NO COORDINATION - no hand eye coordination means that Xanex bottle is the perfect rattle
  8. VOCAL - I did say "almost" perfect
  9. HAIRLESS - no shedding means go on and wear black, girl
  10. RETURN POLICY - if you don't love and care for your baby, someone will literally come to your house and take it away from you... Can't beat that