I found this list in my Facebook "notes" from 2008...
  1. isn’t it funny how dogs pant but they don’t wear shirts
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  2. I used to walk my dog in my blue jeans, I had to stop cause he got stuck in the fly
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  3. I had a dog who had a dog girlfriend who was a real bitch
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  4. she used to text and collar him all the time
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  5. kept him on a real short leash
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  6. she caught him chasing a lady mail man and got him fixed
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  7. I’m so humble, one night I pee’d the couch and the dog made me smell it
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  8. my dog’s so furry he’s giving Joaquin Phoenix ideas
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  9. my dog’s so clever! He can put the best spin on a tail!
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  10. my dog’s so dumb he barks when you go near his invisible tennis balls
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  11. two hobos were strangling these dogs in an alley, one hobo starts laughing, other one say’s “the hell are you laughing at?” first one says, “it’s funny, with these dogs you gotta pick ‘em up to put ‘em down.”
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  12. I asked my dog what time it is? He didn’t tell me, he just corrected my grammar
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  13. Question: how many dogs does it take to tell me I’m not good enough? ANSWER: negative one
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  14. I found a dog lost in the park, he brought me home… but his mom wouldn’t let me in the house
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  15. QUESTION: how do you know a dog is being cautious? ANSWER: HIS PAUSES!! THANK YOU GOODNIGHT!!
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