GUM OR CANDY?

Based on a true story
  1. Is this Gum or Candy?
  2. I really can't tell
  3. It's sour but sweet and it's sticky as hell
  4. It's chewy and elastic
  5. But still sticks to my teeth
  6. I can pry it off the top, but it's still stuck underneath
  7. Oh well, if it's candy it will eventually dissolve
  8. Then I'll swallow my spit and all will be resolved
  9. Then again if it gum it might stay stuck for life?
  10. And on my ninety first birthday I'll go under the knife!
  11. But anesthesia could be dangerous at that advanced state!
  12. And I don't want to die like Joan Rivers did!
  13. Wait....
  14. I had a friend with a friend with a brother
  15. Who swallowed his gum by request of their mother
  16. Who said the smack smacking was driving her nuts
  17. And if it didn't stop she would tan both their butts!
  18. But they were in church and had no place to spit!
  19. So he swallowed it! Now in his stomach it sits!
  20. In his grave!
  21. Cause he died!
  22. When his jet ski capsized!
  23. When we cleaned out his room we found boxes of tapes
  24. Of Joan Rivers guest hosting the tonight show in ShipShape!
  25. No tracking, good sound, the jokes hold up to time
  26. You forget Joan was a natural beauty in her prime
  27. While Carson was out cheating on his wife every week
  28. Joan was in our homes her tongue firmly in our cheeks!
  29. Cheeks?
  30. Cheeks?
  31. Sour and sweet?
  32. What was it I was saying on a sour sweet beat?
  33. Hmmmm
  34. I forget...
  35. I should take a break and come back perhaps?
  36. But first what did I do with that dogged pen cap?