1. Sleeping in the wrong position hurts... for days.
  2. Nutrition labels matter.
  3. You avoid weeknight plans like a syphilitic ex.
  4. Squinting is de rigueur.
  5. 10pm is the new midnight.
  6. Hiking slips into your life like a new mole in the mirror.
  7. The only threesome that matters is you, wine, and Netflix.
  8. Cauliflower crust evolves from Pinterest to Tuesday's dinner.
  9. Avoiding spoilers is a full-time job.
  10. Live music is only fun if it's free. And front row. And on a weekend.