1. Which of the following weighs more: a pound of grass clippings, a pound of feathers, or a pound of rocks?
    A pound of rocks, because that's the one I wouldn't want to get hit with!
  2. If I have 4 candy bars, and I give you 1 candy bar, how many candy bars will I have?
    3 plus a black eye for being so stingy!
  3. Which of the following numbers can be divided by 4: 3764, 2720, 5287, or 3366?
    All of them, if you don't mind decimal places!
  4. Do you believe in Santa Claus?
    Yes, because rich fat white guys are always going around giving individual kids presents!
  5. How do we choose who becomes the next president?
    We pick the person who yells the loudest!
  6. Why were the letters organized the way they are on a typewriter?
    What's a typewriter?
  7. How often should you floss your teeth?
    Whenever my mom tells me!
  8. How many states are in the US?
    According to the Genius at the Apple Store, 53!
  9. In what US city does our government work?
    It works?
  10. What do you want to be when you grow up?
    A ninja!