Things I Learned In New York Last Weekend.

  1. β€’
    The houses in Brooklyn are really nice.
    Seriously. The walkways are made of better stuff than my kitchen countertops. Side note: The tiny blue car must be really maneuverable in the city. There is no other reason to drive something like that.
  2. β€’
    New York pizza is delicious!
    Soooo much yum! Don't ask me if I like it better than Chicago pizza. They are both fantastic!
  3. β€’
    Cab drivers are batshit crazy!
    Those dudes must need a new set of brakes every week with the way they drive. I recommend wearing either Depends or pants that you don't like when traveling by taxi.
  4. β€’
    This Van Gogh hasn't been stolen.
    Despite what I've seen in the movies.
  5. β€’
    Picasso was a weird dude.
    There isn't enough weed on the planet to make me understand this or why I like it.
  6. β€’
    I should've saved my middle school doodles.
    It turns out those things could've been in a museum.
  7. β€’
    Dog runs are my favorite places in the city.
    My fluffy buddy was back at home so I got my doggie fix at Madison Square Park.
  8. β€’
    Do not stand too close to the fence!
    It turns out that the dogs like to mark their territory when they leave. If you aren't looking at your feet, you will be peed on by the German Shepherd fella in the picture...Just ask Kira.
  9. β€’
    Pigeons have zero fucks to give.
    And they don't have time for your bullshit. Either feed them or get the hell out of their way.
  10. β€’
    Parks are a peaceful escape from the noisy city...
    ...Until some loud douchebags decide to sit at the bench next to you yelling about their "guy from Staten Island that's a boat enthusiast". A) I don't care about his fucking boat. B) Why does he keep saying "boat enthusiast"? And C) Shhhhh!
  11. β€’
    I need more Legos!
    I could've hung out in the Lego store all day, but that would've been weird.
  12. β€’
    Hodor! Hodor!
    If you are a polite midwestern fella who holds the door open for people, you may end up holding the same door for 20-30 people.
  13. β€’
    Rappers occasionally shoot videos at random basketball courts.
    The fella in white was lip syncing at center court and the fella next to him was working the steady-cam. The other three large fellas were security, so I kept my distance.
  14. β€’
    Cows are delicious!
    The Southwest Ribeye steak here is one of the top two steaks that I've ever had. I usually don't fuck with red meat, but it was fantastic!
  15. β€’
    Going through the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel when you're super stoned is just like being in the Millennium Falcon.
    There is a picture of me experiencing this, but I'm not sharing that!
  16. β€’
    Buying street art...Yes!
    You're damn right I'm framing this!
  17. β€’
    Eating street food...Nope!
    Luckily I was warned ahead of time so I avoided any potential stomach viruses.
  18. β€’
    Joel McHale is pretty good at stand-up.
    Most people don't even know that he does stand-up, but we went to see him Saturday night and had a great time.
  19. β€’
    56 Leonard in Tribeca is not the Jenga corporate headquarters.
    However, I will be calling it that for the rest of my life.
  20. β€’
    I actually blend in wearing my Yankees hat here!
    Hi! πŸ‘‹πŸΌ The Flat Iron Building is cool as shit btw.
  21. β€’
    Great architecture is as awe inspiring as nature.
    I had a really hard time not looking at One World Trade Center every time it was in my view.
  22. β€’
    It looks great at night too!
    I have nothing to add. It just looks cool.
  23. β€’
    Thanks for reading!
    I'll be back! 😎✌🏼🀘🏼