These are actual messages I sent from the event. I promise I'm not a shitty parent, I just have horrible social anxiety issues.
  1. "Holy fuck this place is packed! I want to leave!"
    I didn't. I just found a nice cozy spot in the very back of the theater near the other introverted parents.
  2. "For some reason I thought it was just her grade, but it's the whole fuckin school! 😱"
    This was a very unpleasant surprise. At this point I turned down my screen brightness and watched my daughter's grade perform.
  3. "Well her grade is done. Can I go? 😂 This is in the category of things that aren't awesome about having kids. You have to go though. My parents never went to my shit and it was pretty fuckin rude."
    At least they carried on that tradition by going to see everything my nieces ever do, while not going to any of my kids' baseball, basketball, or football games. Don't get me wrong, these things aren't usually fun, but it's worth it to go. Sorry about complaining a little right there.
  4. "They did good I guess. They sang an Addams Family remix, and half the kids fucked up, but it wasn't bad"
    It was good, but I would have preferred to have the night end there.
  5. "Yeah, I'm going to stay and tell her good job n stuff. This is seriously awful. They aren't bad, but I can only take so much singing from kids. Especially ones that aren't mine! 😂😂😂"
    If you can, congratulations. You're a much better person than I am. I envy your ear's tolerance of pain as well. 👍🏼
  6. "7th grade is done!!!! Yesssss!!!! Only one more to go!"
    I was wrong. 😔
  7. "Fuck!!! Curveball!! They're all singing together now!!!"
    I would like to point out that the teacher/conductor took a bow three times after EVERY song. Dude, this is a fucking middle school. Get this shit moving and stop waiting for more applause.
  8. "Motherfucker! African folk songs sung in the native tongue!?!?!?!?"
    These poor kids couldn't even sing in English at this point. It was bad.
  9. "Done! I'll let you know when I get home!"
    At this point they announced that the high school parents and kids would be trying to enter the theater while the rest of us are leaving. What a clusterfuck! I searched through the crowd to find my daughter, unsuccessfully, and got a text from her 5 minutes later that she was home already. I could've left when she finished.
  10. Thanks for reading!
    I realize this is different from my usual musings, so I get it if I come across as an asshole. 😎