What I'd Offer in The NumbahTwo Monthly Subscription Box

Thanks for including me @mallofamanda!Mine would be a service based subscription box because I'm a dude and I don't have anything anyone wants. 😄 Each box comes with a few goodies and a coupon for various services redeemable at any time, except where noted.
  1. January- House Cleaning.
    Don't feel like taking down all your holiday decorations? Have a huge mess from New Year's Eve? I got this. Window cleaning and carpet shampooing are included. The actual box will contain healthy snacks and nicotine gum to help out with those New Years Resolutions.
  2. February- Pet Sitting.
    Need a weekend getaway but don't have anyone to watch Fluffy? I'll take good care of cats and dogs. No weird pets though. May also include a free house cleaning if I get bored while the dog is napping. The box will contain a cat or dog, just in case you don't have one. Also, toys and food for the pet, and some homemade Valentine's Day cookies for the humans.
  3. March- Designated Driver.
    Want to get hammered on Saint Patrick's Day, or any other day? I don't drink and I'm up late, so let me drive you and your friends home safely. I'll be using your vehicle though. Not all passengers can be trusted to throw up in their purse. The box will contain Advil, Altoids, Gatorade, and a doctors note for a day off work. Not available on March 25. I'm busy that day.
  4. April- House Maintenance.
    Don't like fixing shit? Left burnt out light bulbs in the sockets for months? Hate cleaning gutters? I'll take care of all that stuff and more! The box will contain two joints, snacks, and a copy of Step Brothers. Services not available on 4/20. I'm busy that day.
  5. May- Yard maintenance.
    Hate yard work? Don't like digging and planting? Need trees trimmed? I'll do all those fun things! The box will contain graduation cards, so you don't have to run to the store at the last minute. Also, Skittles and a fancy candle for no reason at all. (not all boxes can be great)
  6. June- Airport pickup/drop off.
    It's the beginning of vacation season. No need to pay for a smelly taxi or an expensive Uber. *offer only good at O'hare(Chicago). The box will contain sandals, sunglasses, and a tacky Hawaiian shirt that you'll never wear.
  7. July- Personal chef for a day.
    Whether it's dinner for one or a family with 19 kids, I will make all of your meals and a couple in-between snacks. My specialties are pancakes with marshmallows and fruit, turkey wraps, pasta salad, and chicken tacos, but I can make anything with a recipe. The box will contain antacid, sweat pants, sparklers, and glow sticks.
  8. August- Therapy session.
    Stressed about work? Janice in accounting getting on your nerves? Need to vent your frustrations about your S/O? Dump all those problems on me. I'm not licensed, so my advice may not be great, but you'll feel better taking all that shit out on someone. The box will contain a coloring book, a Rubix Cube, and bug spray. Not available on 8/6. I'm busy that day.
  9. September- Personal IT guy for a day.
    Slow laptops, wireless printer setup, and everything in between. Technology can be a pain in the ass, let me deal with the frustration and get all the bugs out. I'll even clear the unnecessary shit out of your phone and have it running as fast as the day you got it. The box will contain keyboard cleaner, screen wipes, and extra chargers for all your devices. Boring, but necessary.
  10. October- Leaf removal.
    Leaves are great, until they fall off the trees and make a big ass mess. I'll get rid of all those pesky little fuckers after I make a nice big pile for you to jump in like you're a kid again. The box will contain a t-shirt that says "this is my Halloween costume", taffy apples, and a toothbrush.
  11. November- Snow removal.
    It's probably not snowing yet, but it will soon. No one likes cleaning that stuff up more that I do! If you live in a warm place, send it to a friend who needs it. They'll love you forever! The box will contain a tazer and mace for Black Friday, and a flask of alcohol for putting up with shitty relatives on Thanksgiving.
  12. December- Personal assistant for a day.
    This is the month when no one has enough time to get everything done. You need to buy things, but have no time to shop. You need to wrap presents, or put up decorations, but are too tired to care. Whatever it is you need done, I got it. The box will contain Bloody Mary's, an ugly sweater, and a copy of Elf.
  13. So who wants NumbahTwo subscription box?