Requested by Vince

Reasons Why Doorways With Beads Are a Dangerous Game

  1. Tough to lock
    I'm sure some genius has invented a lock for beaded doorways, but it's probably pretty expensive. If you can't lock a room, how can you protect your items (such as my rollerblades or my samurai sword collection)? This also means that you can be walked in on during various private activities.
  2. Transparent
    Beaded doorways are not hard to see through, which is another issue for private people. Some people would prefer that their gentle OR aggressive kisses are felt but go unseen. This is not possible with beaded doorways.
  3. High risk of injury
    All it takes is for one bead from those death traps to fall off, maybe after an aggressive push through the draped disasters, for someone to slip and hurt themselves. This is especially trouble for older house guests, who have fragile bones.
  4. Tacky and outdated
    Beaded doorways are so 1981. In 2016, hippies are few and far-between and the ones who exist are losers. Don't be a loser with a beaded doorway.
  5. Does not attract hot chicks
    Chicks no longer dig beaded doorways, though I'm sure they were hot at a time. If a hot chick isn't willing to walk into your room due to your doorway, how are you supposed to talk to her about the boy you like from art class?