How to be an immigrant

I belong to a VERY secret Facebook group that spun out of the recent US elections that likes to tell stories about how great their members are, and not at all racist, and super open minded. Let's call them Jumpsuit Country (JSC). Here is what I've learned about being an immigrant according to their posts.
  1. 1.
    Be a hard worker
    Never ask for a handout, or help, a day off, or even a full paycheck. Work twice as hard for half as much.
  2. 2.
    Always have a smile on your face
    Whether it is being called a racial slur or realizing that your American born kid thinks that posting about you in a Facebook group will "solve racism" always keep a smile on your face.
  3. 3.
    Be a "Proud American"
    Never yearn for your home country. Immigrants do not get the luxury of nostalgia. All non-US countries are poor and oppressive, which is why you only want to be an American. If anyone insults your country of origin, see 2 (re Smile).
  4. 4.
    Be surprised at your own humanity
    When non immigrants make the startling conclusion that you have something in common with them (values, taste in movies, general humanity), act just as surprised and pleased. Like you've only just realized you're a human too!
  5. 5.
    Be humble!
    You may have gone to the best universities in the world, or be at the top of your field, but if you're an immigrant, you can't say that. There's nothing worse than an uppity foreigner. Agree when people assume you come from slums/villages/favelas/nothing and that their benevolent Americanness is what gave you the tools to succeed.