THINGS I'VE NEVER EXPERIENCED AS A SOUTHERNER BUT REALLY WANT TO

  1. Going to school in the snow
    Kiss my ass, Snowpocalypse.
  2. Being able to differentiate New England accents
    I think I've got Boston down but the rest is just a muddle of aggressive barking.
  3. Having a Jewish friend or just knowing any Jewish people at all really
    We even have a lot of Muslims now, at least in Birmingham, so it's safe, I promise!
  4. Life not revolving around football
    Or would I have to deal with another sport I don't understand?
  5. Less racist people?
    I know it's a problem everywhere, but maybe Northerners would be less inclined to ask if I'm related to any other Asian person they know.
  6. Taking a casual road trip to Canada
    To go camping or to see Niagara Falls or to get booze since I'm 18 or all three 🍻🇨🇦
  7. Polite but indifferent strangers
    I don't mind holding doors open for people, but I'm also too socially awkward to carry on a thirty minute long conversation about your nephews I'll never meet just please stop talking to me yes it's great he got into Samford but I don't know what else to say