1. Chicken Soup For the Soul
    Take a look at this Marty! What kind of idiot actually buys this crap? Let alone reads it? This is what's wrong with the world today. There's too much garbage floating around, passing for literature. Maybe we should just bail now, if this is the kind of stuff we're dealing with. Ooh is that a Bowflex?
  2. The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
    Okay, so this bozo has at least a fourth grade level exposure to controversial American literature. He probably spark noted the damn thing. Marty! We're not buying the place, get a move on!
  3. Child of God - Cormac McCarthy
    Well well well. Looks like someone has a friend who went to college or at least 1 half-intelligent relative. "I do not know how an idiot thinks, but I now know that idiots have thoughts!" Amiright Marty? Huh? No I've not been to Appalachia Marty. Look at the binding. He didn't even finish it. Maybe he got distracted by his...shhhh...hear that?...did you drug the dog?
  4. Dialectic of Enlightenment - Max Horkheimer and Theodore W. Adorno
    So this guy thinks he has an understanding of the complexities of the culture industry and its multiplicity of systems? Based on what? The English translation? Outside the original German, this text loses all nuance and liedenschaft. Hey Marty! Do you think that a guy who owns a Sham Wow has actually internalized the visceral human suffering driving the creation of this work? Yeah I didn't think so either.
  5. An unfinished PHD dissertation manuscript entitled: The Behavior of Anti-Matter in Electrostatic Particle Accelerators
    Eh, scientific literature is the cold sterile murderess of the creative spirit. C'mon Marty. Let's blow this pop stand. I've gotta take a pill.