WAYS TO PISS PEOPLE OFF WITH YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA.
As much as some people may deny it, our phones are pretty much fully functioning appendages we check at all times. Because of this, social media has taken hold of our life experience as a whole. Everyone is connected. Everyone is available. And thus, everyone is very easy to piss off.
- •Post more than 4 times in 5 minutes on #Instagram.This is, hands down, the most infuriating usage of social media I ever run across. One photo of your Thailand vacation was great. Two photos was nice. Three photos was unsettling. Four photos was disturbing. And now, at five or more photos, I'm flying through my feed searching for any sign of alternate human life.
- •Like all of someone's photos in an old Facebook album."Woooahhh! Holy shit! I just got 17 new notifications!" your friend exclaims before realizing you've liked every photo in his '2007 Crunk Shasta' album. As he comes to terms with the fact that he's not a Facebook celebrity he also has to bear the burden of countless 'lol's and 'haha's as his photo pops back to the top of everyone's feed.
- •Tweet at celebrities until it looks like you're having a conversation with yourself.We get it, you loved @mindy on The Office. Okay, you've watched every episode of Girls by @lenadunham. Of course there's no issue with a few harmless tweets or mentions, but do you need to hit 'reply' every time they so much as sneeze on their keyboards? If the celebrities themselves don't already have your name typed into an American Psychiatric Association text, your followers might.
- •Snap someone back while you ignore their texts.I snap you: "hang out?" You open it and snap me back immediately: your feet on a sidewalk. I text you: "wanna chill?" You send me another snap: a selfie with a dog. This goes on for an hour until communication dies and the next day you text me saying, "Sorry, fell asleep early." HEY SCREW YOU. Are you dense? Are you not aware of how Snapchat works? Is this a well played hand in the game of friend-level-importance poker? No one can be sure of anything except your level of social asshat-ery.
- •Vine something completely mundane.Let's be honest, when you open Vine you're not looking for anything elevating. You're the lowest of the low. You're looking for cheap laughs at others expense, surprising (yet unfortunate) coincidences, and MAYBE a cute animal every now and then. Budget thrills, if you will. That leaves out your mom stirring an overflowing pot of spaghetti, or you forcing your cousins to say "WHATR THOSE!" We don't have time to waste on your budding comedy career so please refrain from making it public.
- •Use a new platform and spend almost 2 hours making a list.Well...shit.