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If you love The Book With No Pictures as much as we do, of course...
Inspired by @doodler19 , who is totally psyched for her little guy's first day and all he is going to experience. But I suspect she'll be going nuts tomorrow, dying to hear how it went. I was going to li.st about how to not get too emotional, but given that I cried when my guy started 2nd grade, I MIGHT not be the best author for that.
  1. Plan the crap out of your day.
    Winging it and taking the day as it comes isn't gonna cut it. Unplanned time = time spent frustrated you can't hear how their day is going yet.
  2. Talk to one of "your" people.
    Like @MrsBurky . She gets it. She will share in your excitement and enthusiasm and will not try to draw ridiculous comparisons to things that don't remotely relate. But speaking of...
  3. Talk to a ridiculous person - someone who is NOT your people.
    This seems counterintuitive. "Wouldn't talking to someone who doesn't get me make me feel MORE frustrated and annoyed," you ask. Theoretically, yes. But if you do this step right, it works. Because think of the stories!! Think of the lists!!! Go in with the right attitude and you could get a lot of good material.
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Part of a "Times Technology has Failed Me" series
  1. A handyman came to the house to do some paint and caulking work.
  2. He didn't speak English.
    That's cool. It's 2016. We have options.
  3. First, he called his wife and had me speak to her, and she then translated things to him.
    We really should have stuck with this method.
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  1. No Oxford comma
    The serial comma, like all great commas before it, reflects the way we speak. And it makes things clear. And it just looks right. I will never understand how leaving it out is ever ok.
  2. Incorrect use of semi-colon
    Two complete sentences, people.
  3. Adding 's when all you want is to make something plural
    Holidays are a killer for me. "Happy Holidays from the Smith's!" Who is the Smith?? And don't leave me hanging - the Smith's what? Dog? Pet hamster? What does the Smith own that wants to wish me a happy holiday?
  4. Use of non-words
    This is less of a grammar thing and more of just a let's stick to real words thing, but stuff like "supposibly" gets me. I once read that you should never make fun of someone who mispronounces a word because it means that they've learned the word through the reading of books. I like that a lot. But if you take that a step further, then people who use non-words didn't learn them by reading. I guess they learned them by listening to other people who also didn't read them. Supposibly that's true.
Needed a pep talk to get back to some goals I've had for a while. Did it myself. And on li.st, no less.
  1. I don't have time!
    Seriously? You don't have 5 minutes? You won't write a book in 5 minutes. You might not even come up with a good sentence in 5 minutes. But 5 minutes every day can get you started - and most importantly, it's doable! You'll probably find that more often than not, 5 turns into 10, turning into 20. But commit to 5. Because really, that's hardly a commitment. It's like Commitment Light. And even that may be overstating it. It's like fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free Commitment. Just do it already.
  2. What if I can't think of anything clever?
    Good point. That blank page in front of you is extremely clever and would be hard to beat. Come on. Something is better than nothing. And I'll bet if you come up with 100 ideas, one is bound to be clever. I'm no mathematician, but it seems like the odds are in your favor, the more you do it.
  3. It's just that I want it to be over the top awesome. I don't know how to create something that will live up to that.
    OK, well, you know how; you've created something you were proud of before, even if your sense of its awesomeness has changed (Damn you, negative Amazon review!!). But let's look at the math. (If I give up writing, maybe I'll give the mathematics thing a try.) Your chances of creating something that is over the top awesome are 0.00% if you don't write anything. And that's not rounding down. So if you write, even if it mostly sucks, your odds creep up... to some number above 0%.
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  1. Not even trying to bury the lead. She's awesome. I miss her.
  2. All my other (secondary, obviously) friends and family
    That's right, @doodler19 gets her own bullet. Why? Have you seen her lists? She's creative and hilarious and, well, see bullet one.
  3. Normal-sized bugs
    I'm not freaked out by most bugs. At least I wasn't. Then I moved to Georgia. These things are insane. Found a full-on centipede in my bathroom. Like, 100 legs, the whole bit. Now I'm apparently freaked out by bugs. Thank goodness I live in a house with two little boys whose motto is "the grosser, the better." (Admittedly, however, "thank goodness" was not my attitude when my 7 year old son brought a frog into the house the other day.)
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Probably not my ideal inaugural post, but...
  1. Delete precious pics off my iPad. Ok, not precious - mostly pics my kids took of the floor or wall or something else unidentifiable. And yeah, they used up tons of storage space without me knowing it bc the iPad is a fantastic babysitter when I have to get things done. What of it?
  2. Clear off a zillion other things from the iPad that I never use. Until tomorrow when I'll desperately need them.
  3. Change my Apple ID password because I can never EVER remember it.
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