It recently occurred to me that all these years I've basically been training to absolutely CRUSH it at a whole host of TV game shows. Let me explain.
  1. Supermarket Sweep-In an average week, I’m at the grocery store no less than 4 damn times. I know the shelves of that fluorescent lit hell pit like the back of my hand. And dashing around the store like a ticking time bomb is hanging off the edge of the cart while I fill it with all the expensive things? THAT’S MY SPECIALTY.
  2. Family Feud You don’t have to be smart to win Family Feud. You have to think quick and not be embarrassed by the exclamations of people you're associated with. Sufficient training consists of running errands with 4yos and/or anyone who finds it acceptable to shout, “MAMA! LOOK AT THAT MAN! HIS HEAD LOOKS LIKE A SHINY BABY BIRD.”
  3. Survivor I can fashion a diaper out of band-aids and restroom paper towels. I once slapped a panty liner on the shin of my toddler whose boots were making her leg “feel like fire” and bought us 3 more hours of traipsing about. I’m also a pro-snack forager and can go days without a shower. You want me on your team. Trust.
  4. Win, Lose, or Draw Between all the time, you spend trying to decipher what the hell frantic people are trying to tell you, and responding to demands such as “DRAW ME A PIRATE, MAMA! ON AN AIRPLANE. EATING A SANDWICH. THE LONG KIND,” you’re basically primed to wipe the floor with your opponents.
  5. Press Your Luck Seriously, if this isn’t parenting in a nutshell...Pressing your luck is pretty much the name of the game from day 1. I’ve scheduled 2 meetings and a date night for tomorrow. NO WHAMMIES, NO WHAMMIES, AW! Look who just fell asleep on the floor with 103 fever! We’re used to winning and losing shit for no apparent reason.