Things This Dude Told His Date While Sitting Next to Me at "Trainwreck"

I went to Trainwreck last night by myself. I sat next to a couple in matching white jeans and faded blue hats. The woman never spoke a word. The man said the following.
  1. "Asian People hate me."
  2. "Go to bathroom and get it all out"
  3. "I'd never start a fight with a midget but he started with me and I had to defend myself."
  4. "Sitting in the front row of the theater I s cool. You really get to see how tall these people are"
  5. "Handicap people always get the best seats"
  6. (After seeing Written by Amy Schumer in the closing credits) "Oh, ok, now it all makes sense!"