Arguments I had with my husband while reading a large map

Taking my husband geocaching with some friends for his birthday. Deciding where to go has not been simple. My pining for old fashioned techniques that are tech free is not well regarded.
  1. No, no that is too close. You have to go out further. 45 mins from home is not a Super Birthday Sunday destination!
  2. Why are we looking at a large paper fold out map and not the online one from Google? Or the one that shows you all the geocaches?
  3. Where did all these brochures come from? And why are you yelling that you can't find the one you want?
  4. We never go to the coast. You seeing the beach every day at work is not us "driving up the coast all the time"
  5. Why do we own a large paper fold out map? When is this useful?
  6. Don't pinch the map. It's not a screen, you can't zoom in.
  7. No, I will not look up somewhere on the internet so you can figure it out on your map. JUST USE THE INTERNET!
  8. I can see you looking things up on your phone.
  9. Yes, you are annoying me.