1. National "USA by Trump" brand
  2. The first Secretary of Pageants
  3. Legislative gridlock outsourced to China
  4. Solid gold pennies
  5. New "No Child Left Behind Without First Paying Their Fair Share" initiative
  6. The first Presidential cabinet ever selected by a series of televised challenges and a boardroom vote
  7. The return of waterboarding, public hangings and virgin sacrifices
  8. New "Gamble Away Our National Debt" initiative
  9. FINALLY a President who can PROVE he was born in the USA and is a Christian and has huge hands and loves the Mexicans
  10. Executive Order giving Trump first right of refusal to play any presidential character in TV or movies
  11. Official ranking of which ethnic lives matter most
  12. "Quality Trump Steaks" officially added as new food group in the Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion recommended food pyramid