1. Phone app that activates a special charging cord with vacuum suck that literally just pullllls the phone out of your hands when it needs to be charged
  2. A version of the Li.st app where you can understand basic space and time
  3. Even-quicker celebrity death notification systems
  4. A coffee maker that assures you before work
  5. A spatula that actually has another spatula on the other side that also acts as a clamp for flipping loose-meated and unmelted sandwiches*
    *actually a great idea
  6. Elf-driving cars
  7. Alternative science facts that are like real science facts but aren't facts at all but people believe in them SO BADLY that they become a thing we have to use all of our valuable time debating and discrediting