For your Tinder date morning-after or to shut your kids up for, like, five goddamn minutes. Yields six medium pancakes, three mouse-ear pancakes, or one huge-ass pancake (if the date doesn't work out). #SadWhiteDude #Food
  2. 1 C 2% or whole milk
    Save the fat-free for your muesli. These are pancakes.
  3. A splash of white vinegar
    DO NOT make me get out ANOTHER measuring cup just to tell you how much a "splash" is.
  4. 1 C flour
  5. 2 T granulated sugar
    The granulateder, the better.
  6. 1 t baking powder
  7. 1/2 t baking soda
  8. 1/2 t salt
  9. 2 T butter
  10. 1 egg
  11. Chocolate chips (optional, but preferred, but optional)
  12. Chopped nuts (never)
    This is more of a PSA and a cautionary bullet than an actual ingredient for this recipe.
  14. Add splash of white vinegar to milk, let "sour" for 5 mins.
    "Souring milk" is by far the fanciest cooking technique you've ever accomplished, and you should be quick to tell your friends as much.
  15. Combine dry ingredients in medium-sized mixing bowl: flour, sugar, powder, soda, salt.
  16. Melt butter in microwave; pour into milk.
    Cover that butter with a plate, or you're going to continuously wish you had cleaned the top of you microwave for another year.
  17. Crack egg into milk; whisk with a fork.
    You don't own an actual whisk. You're not fooling anyone pretending you do.
  18. Pour milk into mixing bowl; whisk until lumps are mostly gone.
    "Mostly" because the majority of your ingredients are 2-3 years old and, after that long, shit gets lumpy.
  19. Add chocolate chips to mix (optional) or directly to mouth (probable).
  20. Cook over high heat. Flip when they start looking like a moon.
    Insert "that's no moon!" Star Wars joke for your new lady-friend.
  21. Serve with syrup (when in mixed company) or a can of whipped cream (when alone).