[🌭] ASK A SAD, WHITE DUDE: CAN I COOK A DELICIOUS HOT DOG IN THE MICROWAVE?

A reader writes: "Dear Pete, I love hot dogs, but they take too darn long for me to cook on the stove. Is there a faster, deliciouser way for me to cook these in a microwave? Signed, Wiener Lover in Wyoming" #SadWhiteDude #Food
  1. YES.
    Not only can you cook the perfect hot dog in the microwave, but you can cook it IN THE BUN. The result is a hot dog cooked to just the right temperature—it's hot juices still sealed inside—and a bun that now carries the meaty stench of the hot dog in its warm, slightly chewy pores. Verily, the perfect hot dog.
  2. BUT...
    You can't just throw your hot dog into a microwave until it explodes! This isn't @MTV's "Are You The One?"! You need the right tools, temperament, and timeframe to pull this off.
  3. WHAT YOU'LL NEED:
  4. (1) Plate
  5. (1) Paper towel
  6. (1) Hot dog
  7. (1) Hot dog bun
  8. Condiments, to taste
  9. DIRECTIONS:
  10. Put the hot dog in the bun, on the paper towel, on the plate, into the microwave. DO NOT COVER THE HOT DOG.
    You must microwave on a paper towel to absorb the excess moisture which, left to accumulate on the bun, will contribute to the bun becoming stiff and hard. That's what she said.
  11. Microwave hot dog for 50 to 65 seconds, depending on you microwave model and wattage.
    You'll need to experiment with this to get just the right cook time. What you're aiming for is a hot dog that is warmed all the way through, but not so smoking-hot that your tongue burns or the hot dog blisters or splits. Also, you want the bun to be warm and soft, slightly chewy, but not stiff or hard. That's what she said. To cook two or more hot dogs, increase your cook time by 15 seconds per dog.
  12. Eat within 2 minutes.
    This is an important aspect of the perfect microwave hot dog. Because the dog and bun are in a super-state of deliciousness, they must be consumed within a two-minute timeframe. Else the dog gets cold and the bun gets stiff and hard. That's what she said. Be ready to add condiments and consume quickly.